Drink your cappuccino, girl!

It’s a lovely coffee bar I am sitting in this afternoon. Alone – for I need a break. Some hours of solitude per week are my absolute need. To help facilitate the brain to calm down. I sit here alone which is less common than sitting in a pair or a group. I write while sipping my cappuccino. Which is even less common. I look at the people at the other tables and I can’t get rid of the thought: »They think I am a lunatic.« It’s the self-programming of a psychiatric patient that is ON in my brain now. It’s not reality. I don’t actually act weird. It’s just less common what I am doing at this moment. So how could people around me possibly know I have schizoaffective disorder – bipolar type. The thing is: they don’t.

So after having written the upper lines I looked up again. I looked at the people in the coffee bar again and the annoying thought was gone. What a bright day! At that moment I also understood, why our teacher at a workshop earlier that day had said: »Why do you worry about what we are going to think? Now you look completely healthy. We don’t care about your past. And we don’t even know precisely, what this schizoaffective disorder or even schizophrenia are. Don’t create stress you don’t need. Don’t do this to yourself.«

The workshop was about marketing. We did a practical exercise. We wrote an add for our products or services – for the business we are or will be in. Mine went like this: »We present the book …(title)… The author of the book Helena Smole is a young woman, who learned to live with schizoaffective disorder – bipolar type.« That’s how I got to the point where I told them about my illness. This wasn’t a self-help group. They were some business people I have never seen before. And they liked my add. A computer engineer even offered to donate a web page, designed for the purpose of the promotion of my book.

So as you see – no need to worry about your public disclosure. Just get stable with medication and go out into the wonderful world out there.

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