Why me? Part II

Last week I attended another business seminar for beginners. It lasted for three days. It was so intense that after the first day I got up in the morning and I thought to myself: »What if I skip the first lecture? It’s going to be a lecture on business negotiation. I don’t need that right now. I can attend a similar seminar later.« But there was another thought equally strong going through my head: »I must go. No explanation why. I simply have to go.«

Luckily the second thought won. I went to the seminar. The moment the first lecturer appeared on stage I knew why. It was K. E. S. that stood there and smiled just like 6 years ago, when I first saw her. Her presence filled the whole conference hall. I was dazzled.

Back in 2003 I attended my first business seminar ever. K. E. S. was the first lecturer. Her topic was the basic motivation to start one’s own business. Or in other words: How to start doing something we really like before even thinking about the »big money« ahead. Back then I wasn’t a bit ready to start my own business, but I remembered two things she said up until now:
She mentioned that negative thoughts were like weed. If we want our plants (positive thoughts) to grow, we need to keep removing the weed. Up until that moment I had thought that the happy people didn’t have any negative thoughts at all. Wrong! We all have them. The happy people are just better gardeners.

She emphasized how important it was to find out WHAT WE REALLY LIKE DOING. She asked: »Do you ever jump up and down in the morning, because you are so happy to go to work?«

I couldn’t relate to that jumping scene at all. I thought she was talking about some science fiction. But she planted a seed in my head. A tricky question that kept popping up every time I felt dissatisfied with my job. This went on for 5 years. Then in 2008 I finally gave notice and started writing a book. Of course my husband agreed to support me.

Back than in 2003 K. E. S. was one of the stars shimmering on the horizon. One of the stars that made it impossible for me to give up totally no matter how depressed I felt. Yet I needed another psychotic episode later that year to force me to think. So in 2004 I started the mental work described in Louise Hay’s books. I knew that it was crucial for me to find out WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO FOR A LIVING. Yet I was only able to find this out in 2007.

Today I really feel that writing self-help books IS what I want to do for a living. And it makes me happy. Hadn’t I had that last psychotic episode in 2003, I would probably still cling to my job and remain semi-miserable for the rest of my life.

So: Why me again? Because everything is perfect. I am grateful for all the good and the bad that had happened to me. It has made me who I am today.

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