Love Is the Answer

Love Is the Answer

Ice Jewels Hanging Over a River – Why wish for the world around us to change, when there is already so much beauty?

If you have examined your wishes according to my previous blogs, you are probably able to cross some of them out and thus reduce stress in your life. Let me point out two more things about wishes in my last blog this year.

Firstly, sometimes one shares a wish with someone else. For example a couple may wish for a child. That is easy. But what if one wants a child and the partner does not want to be a parent. Sometimes time solves such dilemmas, sometimes a coincidence, some couples might even break up. It is a tough case. But there are easier ones too. Let’s take holidays for example. He wants to go skiing, she wants to spend a week on a tropical island. The usual suggestion of a partner therapy consultant would be to find a compromise. You can always use your creativity in finding a compromise, but here are some suggestions: a) this year skiing, next year a tropical island or the other way around b) water skiing c) sunbathing in a ski resort, drinking pina colada d) two days skiing, a flight to the tropics, a day of rest, two days of enjoying the island. Finding a creative compromise is usually not such a big deal. The real problem is abandoning the original wish, because one is too attached to it. When you learn to let go of things for the sake of your love relationship, you discover the beauty of true love. Of course this has to be mutual. If only one partner is trying to please the other one, the passion in a relationship will soon vanish.

Secondly, let me mention the kind of wishes you can abandon without any analysis: any wish to harm yourself or others. The expressions “I have a death wish” or “I wish to die” are very common in mental health support discussions. Similarly in everyday life one may say in a rage to another person: “I wish you were dead.” Those are not really wishes though. The first type of thoughts is only an expression of total despair. The second type is only an expression of rage or resentment. Both types should be treated similarly to an illness. They should be overcome. You can find a lot of suggestions how to forgive others in Louise Hay’s book You Can Heal Your Life. Let me tell you my story about how I overcame my suicidal wishes.

I remember a period, when a strong suicidal wish was present in my mind all day long, for 4 months. I was afraid I would really go about committing a suicide, for I also had a specific plan A and a plan B for my suicide next to the strong death wish. So I decided to repeat mechanically “I want to live.” Every time the sentence “I want to die” went through my mind, I said to myself mechanically “I want to live”, although I did not really mean it. Obviously it worked, for I am alive here today, writing these lines for you, trying to inspire you in spite of all the obstacles life has thrust upon us. If we manage to find love in our hearts – first for ourselves and then for others, there will be few conflicts of wishes left. We will find it easier to find compromises in a relationship and the wish to survive will prevail in dark times of suicidal wishes.

Happy New Year and a Successful Wish Analysis!

Helena

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