My Tendency to Worry Is Really an Onion

My Tendency to Worry Is Really an Onion

Caption: Layers in an onion.

And an onion consists of layers:

Layer 1: My Thoughtful and Careful Character

In itself it is not problematic, as long as I do not exaggerate. I believe it is the layers below that make me exaggerate.

Layer 2: My Diagnosis – Schizoaffective Disorder

My psychiatrist was successful at giving me the right medication for quieting down the bio-chemical aspect of worrying more than 10 years ago. However I believe a mental patient needs to take care of other aspects of mental illness as well. To cure my mind I did a lot of mental work next to taking medication. See the next layers below.

Layer 3: Playing the Role of a Perfectionist

Perfectionists tend to worry about how we are going to accomplish something. There is nothing wrong with being a perfectionist, when time is right and to some extent. However, if I tend to play this role all the time and exaggerate in trying to be perfect, I will eventually burn out. As long as WE use a certain role, it’s alright. When the ROLE is using us, we are not free anymore. I cut the ties to my role of a perfectionist years ago in a Phyllis Krystal seminar, which means I freed myself from playing it all the time. But there was more.

Layer 4: Playing the Role of »Everyone’s Savior«

I also found out that I was playing the role of »everyone’s savior« in another Phyllis Krystal seminar. A person who plays this role thinks he/she has to help everyone under all circumstances. If the person chooses not to help somebody, then he/she will suffer from guitly feelings afterwads. Being afraid of these feeling of guilt, being an everyone’s savior, tends to wear oneself out by helping and worrying about others. Of course I cut the ties to this role too (in 2009).

Layer 5: Playing the Role of a People Pleaser

If I tend to play that role all the time and exaggerate in trying to please people, I will eventually burn out. It also prevents me to really express who I am, if I act pleasingly all the time. As far as worrying is concerned, this role made me worry a lot about the effect of my words on people. When I came home from visits, I would go over and over the conversations I had had, and I had never even uttered an angry word. What I was doing at home after the conversations was real nonsense. I cut the ties to this role at a Phyllis Krystal seminar as well. See an older blog: Cutting the Ties in Munich (Nov 15th, 2010).

Layer 6: The Habit of Worrying

Playing all the upper roles for years and years really conditioned my ways of thinking, feeling and acting. Thus I had gradually developed the habit of worrying. I used to worry, even if there was nothing to be worried about. It felt odd not to be worried, so I easily found something totally irrelevant to worry about, just because I had this habit of worrying. More about cutting the ties to this habit in an older blog: Cutting the Ties to Worrying (Nov 22nd, 2010).

It really feels good to have peeled off the individual layers of this “onion of worrying” and to be left with the core only, which is my thoughtful and careful character. Read more in the third chapter of my self help book.

Leave a Reply