Are You Really Lonely?

Are You Really Lonely? Some people are lonely. And in some situations there is no help. Yet in many cases there is a solution.

First check, if you are really lonely or you just feel that way, because you do not open up to anyone. One can open up only to a friend one can trust.

Surely there is no such thing as a free lunch in life. To be able to make good friends, you should be a good friend first. You cannot expect someone to listen to you whine for hours and every time you are with that person. That person is like a ‘garbage bin’ then and you are filling it with your ‘emotional garbage’. To some extent that is necessary, because people must share trouble, but do not forget to give that person a break. Learn to throw in a joke every once in a while. Let that person talk about his/her problems too, even if they seem insignificant to you at the time. For your ‘garbage bin’ needs to be emptied every now and then. And you should be willing to serve this friend as a ‘garbage bin’ in return. When this person is in trouble, you cannot afford to be lazy and say: “I have no time for you.”

Another characteristic of a good friend is always telling the truth, which includes communicating relevant information instead of being quiet. We should be ready for the truth though. The truth is sometimes like a wax depilation – it hurts, but it is the best thing in the long run.

A good friend is also taking good care of herself/himself, for one can become a huge burden, if one has a burn-out due to empathizing too intensively, trying to help more than possible and forgetting about one’s own needs.

In short, being a good friend is not easy, it takes work and we will surely make mistakes. But it is worth trying. For there is no better energy than the energy of love and compassion flowing among people.

Let me conclude this humble appeal to help change the world by changing ourselves by a quotation from Mark Haddon’s The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time: “…loving someone is helping them when they get into trouble, and looking after them, and telling them the truth …” (Vintage, London, 2004, page 109)

Take care,
Helena Smole

Leave a Reply