To revenge or to forgive or to ignore

To revenge or to forgive or to ignore Some time ago I came across the following saying:

“The weak revenge,
the strong forgive,
the intelligent ignore.”

The saying came at the right moment, for I was entangled in an irrelevant matter that was best ignored. I took some time to ponder about the wise words and realized that the upper words of wisdom need examples. Therefore I will try to name some.

Revenge in itself is not a wise thing to do or to feel. But we should distinguish between a revenge and standing up for oneself. A young couple told me that they had picked their son from kindergarten bruised repeatedly. They talked to the teacher, but she was of no help. Then they told the little kid to fight back. They presented it as self-defense, not as revenge. Although there is a thin line between the two, there are still some distinctions I believe. In a revenge one tends to hit harder and more than once and one is full of hatred. In self-defense one only punches once to let the villain know that what he/she had done was wrong and should be avoided in the future.

As far as the glorified forgiveness is concerned I would like to add that one should forgive but not forget. If we recognize someone as a cheater and liar, we can forgive him/her, but we also best avoid the person. That way we will avoid further problems and we will only have one scam to forgive.

And last but not least: “The intelligent ignore.” In my opinion the ignoring can only take place on the emotional level. We do not take it personally, we do not feel hurt, thus there is nothing to forgive. However, we still must fight back, or remember to avoid the person in future, or divorce a violent partner etc. The problem cannot be ignored. It has to be taken care of. Thus I believe the upper saying has its limitations.

I would really like to hear your examples, thoughts and any comment that comes to mind.

Take care,
Helena Smole, author of Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

2 Responses to “ “To revenge or to forgive or to ignore”

  1. Sergej says:

    Could agree, but not 100%! Why, thats why… There were two guys sitting on a bench in the park. One was claiming to be a pacifist, the other was a proffesional soldier. The son of flowers said that everything could be solved with talks and good will, so no need for armed conflicts. The soldier, not so sure about the facts decided to try something… He hit the pacifist hard on his face. The pacifist wanted to hit him back, but the soldier stopped him saying ‘Hey, lets talk about it – those were your words…’ The pacifist realized what he was doing and sat back on the bench adn kindly asked for the reason of him being hit. The soldier repplied with another hit on the pacifist’s face. Now the pacifist was pissed really bad and allnost forgot his words about peace and harmony, but struggeld and tried again to solve the problems through talks. Another and third hit came… The pacifist hit back!
    The soldier said: OK, I saw you hit back and let me tell you why you did it… because now it is personal!

    Revenge is a meal best served cold they say, to forgive is hard, but to ignore is simply wrong! But that is only me.
    Lep dan Helena, ss.

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