Too Much Pressure on the Parents

mini traumas Psychologist find that there are two kinds of parents:

– Those, who do not care much about how they will raise a child.

– Those, who care about it and either do their best by using common sense or visit seminars and read books about upbringing.

I would like to say something to the second group. Let me offer some comfort I rarely see written anywhere:

– It is impossible to raise a child without any ‘mini traumas’. Let me name a few examples. For instance, somebody likes many pictures and other adornments on walls, because he/she totally disliked empty white walls in his childhood. Or, for example, I remember that it bothered me that my parents quarreled a lot. Today I know that not quarreling at all is a lot worse for a relationship, thus I see this as my ‘mini trauma’. Another ‘mini trauma’ might also be the memory that some classmates wore more expensive clothes than you.

– I learned in a seminar that when a child grows up and tells you, what you did wrong, you should take it as a compliment. Why? Because children who had to put up with real traumas like sexual abuse, physical abuse or psychological terror like hearing from parents that they are worthless on a daily basis; those children, when they grow up, they tend to try to find good things about their parents. They have to comfort themselves somehow.

– Some kids need harsher words to respect limits. It really depends on their character. And the basic character is something the child is born with. It is not always the parents’ fault, if a child is problematic. Some kids are born problematic.

Since, in my opinion, lately there has been a belief developing, that parents own some kind of a magic wand, when it comes to upbringing, I wanted to point out some limitations in this blog.

Take care,
Helena Smole, author of Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

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