Currently Browsing: Schizoaffective disorder

The Primary Essence of Fear

I have found out recently that my anxiety is in a way primary and the reason for it are secondary. How did I discover that? For every fear which appears in my mind I try to find a consolation. And when I soothe myself regarding one fear, another one appears. Some days I eventually calm down, but on bad days the train of fears is endless. This is, in my opinion, because anxiety is there no matter what the circumstances of my life are. And my mind attaches secondary reasons to anxiety. Sometimes I still feel anxiety, even when I have managed to mentally remove all reasons for fears. It feels like a...
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Spirituality in Schools

In our Western world spirituality is excluded from schools. If you want your child to learn about the spiritual aspect of our being, you enroll the kid in Sunday school or a similar educational institution, which is usually organized by a certain church. In other words, we have separated the world of science (primary school) and the world of religion (Sunday school). Some scientists are even trying to prove that there is no God. On one hand, it is good to have secularized school, so that the church cannot exert too much power over people. And God has given us a brain capable of discovering and...
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About Being Competitive

Recently, I have come across an author who writes 5 books a year (Jerry Jenkins). I must say I am on the other side of the pole here – I write 1 book in 5 years. I have finally realized that comparison with others will get me nowhere. I have also no intention of fighting the so called writer’s block. I will write when inspired and no other way. Of course I must add that I am not making my living by writing. I am a financially (and emotionally!) supported wife. Also: I should not work too hard, otherwise my schizoaffective disorder gets worse. Still, sometimes I cannot comprehend why I get...
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My Little Insanities

The list goes on and on. I have to clean this and that additionally. I have to protect my social network profiles. I have to reduce the spam in my e-mail accounts. I cannot include in a blog-post or, God forbid, in a book something, which would have a bad effect on the reader. I must be very precise in recycling the garbage. I remember parts of conversations with people and I go over and over them after the meeting to make sure I could not have done any damage by my words. The list goes on and on. What I am most afraid of is making a mistake. But mistakes are a part of life. That is how we learn. Yet,...
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A Tempest of Worries

It ignites like a spark in your brain. It flickers for a moment and then again and again. You try to chase it away, but it won’t go, You tell it to stop existing, yet it says ‘No’. You know it’s easy to get rid of while still small. But it stays in your brain having a ball. Despite all your efforts to extinguish the spark It keeps multiplying like in a village the dogs’ bark. Pretty soon all your brain cells are burning, And your stomach slowly starts turning. You feel a nasty pain in your chest, Your hands tremble and there is no rest. Your new worry soon invites her brothers and...
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