The Mystery of Three Kids

The beauty inside.

I have a pretty harsh inner critic in me, a voice telling me I am not good enough. I read that this comes from my childhood, from too conditional love from my parents. In the sense: “We will love you, if you are good.” Now I am asking myself: How else are parents supposed to raise a child? A human being cannot do anything one pleases, because there are other people on the planet and there have to be some rules. In order to teach the child the rules, one has to motivate her or him. You promise the child to be treated nicely, if the child is good.

It dawned on me in this respect that if you have three children and you treat them all the same way, there will probably be three different outcomes. With the same degree of conditioning, one child turns out all right, the second too self-critical and the third one spoiled. In my opinion there is no way of knowing, how exactly your child will turn out. I remember a college professor, who was an expert in psychoanalysis, telling us that there is no way of raising a child without causing any minor traumas. I also heard in a personal growth course that, if the child as a grown-up tells you what you did wrong, you should take it as a compliment, because this means you did everything else right. I have no kids of my own, but I must say I sympathize with all parents. It is not easy to raise a child with all the guidelines about up-bringing available.

I have fond memories of my childhood. My parents raised me well and with love. If I have this side effect of being too self-critical, I take it in package. I would never trade my parents for anyone else.

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

– Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type