Only Careful or Filled with Anxiety?

It is a fine line between being careful and showing a mental illness symptom called anxiety. I can never tell, whether it is just my personality trait or am I exhibiting a symptom. I have found lately that I over-analyze myself. I see every worry as mental instability. Often people tell me stories in a way, which clearly shows, that they worry about the described situation. I try to comfort them: “Don’t worry.” Most of them answer: “I am not worried. I just described my situation.” In my opinion, they do not feel the worry, because they want to hide it. It is supposed to show weakness. Well,...
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About Saying No

I have been thinking about proofreading lately.  About correcting friends’ and relatives’ final theses: bachelor’s and master’s theses, doctoral dissertations, which I have always said Yes to in the past, when asked. I am talking about proofreading in my mother tongue – Slovenian. I knew my friend was working on her master’s thesis. I was leaning towards saying No. Proofreading has been getting too difficult with time, since I started to forget the grammar and style rules. I learned the rules in college over 20 years ago and was only using them once every five or so years in the last...
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A Go-to-Hell-Valley which Turns out to Be Heaven

We had planned a nature walk up the Zadnjica valley from 645 meters above sea level to 980 m a.s.l. the day before. Both numbers are written on signs by the walking path. It is a slow ascent from 2116 to 3215 feet. After all, it is a valley and as such cannot rise up too steeply. We had not set the alarm clock, but somehow we had set our “inner-clocks” and woke up at 7:30, when we had originally planned. I was so sleepy that I wanted to tell my husband to cancel the trip, but I got up anyway. An inner voice told me to move my buttocks. Eventually we got up early enough and set foot early enough to...
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Not too Close Please

While I was writing my story about mental illness in form of a book later titled Balancing the Beast, I was also blogging and chatting on several mental health sites. Thus I befriended other mental health consumers like me. I remember a social site for this kind of people, where I was daily conversing with two men and two women. Both women were suicidal and the two guys and I were consoling them. I remember waking up every morning in fear they might have committed suicide. It was agony. Fortunately, after a few months, the site was restructured and I lost contact with the two suicidal women. It was...
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Memento Mori

I stumble my awkward way, I accidentally step on an ant. Small be it as it may, For her the event still is grand.   God forbid me stepping under A speeding car at a zebra crossing. Yet still this kind of thunder Can happen without much fussing.   It’s all relative in the end. Be it me dead or the ant. Why is my fear so much greater, When the elements to both of us cater.   In seven billion years The Sun the Earth might absorb. This can bring us to tears Or leave placid the orb.   Memento mori. Panta rhei.   Take care, Helena Smole, author of: – a fantasy novel with...
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