Currently Browsing: Schizoaffective disorder


  Anxiety is like sitting in a rose bush. I find a thorn in me and away I push. Trying to be free, even reborn. But all I get is another fear – another thorn. With the new virus the bush got wider. I ask myself, why do I even bother? The virus killed the writer in me? How do I get words through to thee? Please don’t forget my humble writing, All I can say I’ll keep on fighting. Fighting for afternoons without fear, If not entirely – sometimes I come near. I promise I’ll try to keep you posted in my posts, Even if every morning I wake up afraid of my own thoughts.   Take...
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The Jewel of Boredom

I am sure nobody will read this blog post. Boredom being a jewel? Come on, nobody will ever get past the title. It is so against our modern life-style. Thus I can write in peace, for myself, it really takes the pressure off. Even the very writing of this blog post will be boring – definitely something to look forward to. I need boredom in my life right now. I was wondering what people were doing in the evenings and on Sundays in days before TV, before newspapers, internet, smart phones and the Bible being the only book in the house. Surely they could gossip, read the Bible or tell each other fairy...
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You cannot prevent destiny or the funny incident with the soap.

Any reasonable person knows, one cannot prevent destiny. Being a person with anxiety, however, I must remind myself daily that I can only do so much to prevent trouble. I am often swimming in worst case scenarios. I get sick and tired of trying to convince myself they will not happen. And when I chase them away, new appear. I am battling with a few of them right now. Yet, I do not want to share them, for I am afraid they could trigger anxiety in my readers. Except the funny incident with the soap. I can share that much, I believe. I am too aware of viruses and bacteria, so I wash my hands too often. I...
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The Primary Essence of Fear

I have found out recently that my anxiety is in a way primary and the reason for it are secondary. How did I discover that? For every fear which appears in my mind I try to find a consolation. And when I soothe myself regarding one fear, another one appears. Some days I eventually calm down, but on bad days the train of fears is endless. This is, in my opinion, because anxiety is there no matter what the circumstances of my life are. And my mind attaches secondary reasons to anxiety. Sometimes I still feel anxiety, even when I have managed to mentally remove all reasons for fears. It feels like a...
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Spirituality in Schools

In our Western world spirituality is excluded from schools. If you want your child to learn about the spiritual aspect of our being, you enroll the kid in Sunday school or a similar educational institution, which is usually organized by a certain church. In other words, we have separated the world of science (primary school) and the world of religion (Sunday school). Some scientists are even trying to prove that there is no God. On one hand, it is good to have secularized school, so that the church cannot exert too much power over people. And God has given us a brain capable of discovering and...
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