The safety of a home.

A coffee after lunch drunk in peace at home is not just a coffee after lunch drunk in peace at home. It means a lot more.

The bills have been paid. A cup of coffee AT HOME means one is not getting evicted. Yet, how seldom do we think about that. The fact that we are not homeless. We take it for granted.

The coffee AFTER lunch signifies that one has had lunch. Obviously there is enough money for food at one’s home. Another constant we are usually not aware of.

One must also have funds for buying clothes, otherwise the drinking of coffee could not be a pleasant experience. Imagine the embarrassment of buying coffee in a supermarket in torn and shabby clothes. Well, maybe this is an exception, for one can get decent clothes in charity centers.

There is more to that cup of coffee. We are naturally healthy, otherwise the coffee would not be drunk IN PEACE. All sorts of pains, dark thoughts or even being bedridden would prevent the pleasant experience of making and finally drinking the bitter substance.

And last but not least, drinking a cup of coffee IN PEACE indicates that one is either O.K. with living alone or the ones who live with the person are not nagging or torturing the person in any way.

Thus, happiness really is in small things: like coffee after lunch. But only because such little things entail the big ones.

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

– Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

I am definitely suffering from a crisis as a writer. I used to write 25 blog posts a year and I was continuously working on a book, little by little but persistently. Then, in February 2017, something happened. I still do not know what it was. Was it just low blood-pressure making me totally tired and washed out or was it also the accompanying anxiety, which got a lot worse than usual. I started the Jane Austen exercise several times, but only did it once or twice and then relapsed in chronic fatigue – or whatever this new state is – for months. I really do not think it is writer’s block. Although, it could be. I do not know. All I know is: I only wrote 15 blog posts in 2017 and did no book writing; and it got worse this year: still no book writing and only one blog post.

The upper paragraph is an example of bad writing. All kinds of associations crawling one on top of another. But that is all I have got. A mess in my head regarding the reasons, why I cannot write anymore. But maybe I have found a solution. Let us see. I resumed the Jane Austen exercise two weeks ago and have been doing it continuously. Maybe this will drag me out of the mess.

Let me sum up, what the Jane Austen exercise looks like: I read only half a page of the novel a day, but over and over, let’s say about ten times. Then I translate this half a page from the original English language to my mother tongue – Slovenian. Then I close the original hardcover Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and feel awe at having held a masterpiece in my hands. I turn to the computer humbly, read the half a page of my translation and without peeking into the original I try to reproduce the half a page in English. Or in other words: I translate it back to English trying to come as close to the original as possible.

Then, naturally, I check my words with the original. I correct my half a page using track changes in Word. I go over the text again and strive to remember my mistakes for later.

In a few days, when I have reached the end of a chapter, I re-read the chapter about ten times, close the book and struggle to re-write the whole chapter without looking at the original or my translation. I usually remember about half to two thirds of the content. The exact wording differs from the original of course, but I manage to capture the basis plot.

Even though the chapters are short – about 4 pages – I think, maybe, it means something to rewrite the chapter without any help. So, maybe, there is hope for me as a writer. I hope so. I hope you have not seen my last book in Out of the Forest and into the City, my second paperback darling.

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

– Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

I am sure you all know the saying “Forgive, but don’t forget”. There is an interesting counterpart in my mother tongue Slovene, which can be translated: “Only a fool goes on the ice twice.” Actually it is ‘a donkey’, but in the meaning of ‘a fool’. So, essentially, if someone betrays us, we will no longer trust the person. That is, if the betrayal is done on purpose, not as a mistake, which can be forgiven and forgotten. Just as the legal system imprisons criminals and thus gives them a change to pay their debt to society, likewise are we, in my opinion, entitled to protect ourselves from more hurt and sorrow. Of course, this is not always easy. If a friend betrays us, we unfriend the person and find somebody else to hang out with. But what about a spouse – the decision to get a divorce will be much harder. Not to mention the almost insolvable problem of abused children – how are they supposed to leave their parents? All difficulties in mind, taking care of ourselves by remembering the wrong-doing is, in my opinion, the right orientation. We forgive, let go of the resentment, but remember the danger for the future.

The upper argument sounds logical, at least to me. Yet, there is a problem. We tend to forget events, unless there is a strong feeling attached to them. And in our case the strong feeling is resentment, which is proven to do harm to our soul, so we want to forgive. But on the other hand, if we forgive, we are more likely to forget the whole incident. Whereas, if we keep the resentment, we will definitely remember the incident and not get in another similar dangerous situation. Thus, maybe resentment is preserving our life and well-being. Therefore, resentment may be a useful trait in the process of natural selection as defined by C. Darwin. To put it simply: the one who resents is less likely to expose oneself to new dangerous situations, which means one survives and one’s genes are handed over to one’s offspring.

To sum up, maybe that is why it is so hard to forgive. We are genetically programmed to resent the wrong-doers and thus survive.

What are your thoughts on the subject?

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

– Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

Winter Solstice Sun

Then, last year it was,
When another idea became my boss.
Christmas was no longer to be the rule
Winter solstice aspiring to be the new Yule.

I owe it all to my friend C. C.
She made it all possible to me.
She gave me the idea of the Solstice of Winter
To be more than a calendar splinter.

Thus, this year I make it my shrine
To put sun on the spruce top to shine.
Light a candle the scent of vanilla,
While slowly sipping a sweet wine.

It’s winter solstice – let’s be merry,
Drinking hot lemonade or tasty sherry.
Give me meet, carbs or plain salad,
They are all admissible for my palate.

It’s not about gift lists and plastic money
It’s about a sick man in a hospital tasting honey.
The honey-like aftertaste of canned fruit,
When the patient liked no hospital food.

His son phoned to a charity organization
If they could deliver to his father a simple donation.
The son could not travel that far
So he asked the lady to buy a canned-fruit jar.

She answered there were no young volunteers,
This only covering her fears.
When the next day there were two
One with a jar from a store walking in a young shoe.

The other one was a bit older
And also her delivery was a bit bolder.
She remembered the father from 1968
And gave him home-made canned fruit as bait.

A bait to chat not to hurt
For it was all Winter Solstice innocent flirt.
The father gave both ladies some change for their trouble
And the Winter Solstice joy was double.

It’s winter solstice – let’s be merry,
Drinking hot lemonade or tasty sherry.
Give me meet, carbs or plain salad,
They are all admissible for my palate.

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

– Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

We all walk our own paths.

While reading Benjamin Franklin’s biography by Walter Isaacson I learned that one of the Founding Fathers of the United States used to try to remember magazine articles he liked, and attempted to reproduce them a few days later without looking at the originals. He used a special kind of notes to help the recalling. This was his way of learning to become an accomplished writer.

Inspired by Benjamin Franklin I developed my own method. I read only half a page of the novel a day, but over and over, let’s say about ten times. Then I translate this half a page from the original English language to my mother tongue – Slovenian. Then I close the original hardcover Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen and feel awe at having held a masterpiece in my hands. I turn to the computer humbly, read the half a page of my translation and without peeking into the original I try to reproduce the half a page in English. Or in other words: I translate it back to English trying to come as close to the original as possible.

Then, naturally, just like Benjamin Franklin did, I check my words with the original. I correct my half a page using track changes in Word. I go over the text again and strive to remember my mistakes for later.

In a few days, when I have reached the end of a chapter, I re-read the chapter about ten times, close the book and struggle to re-write the whole chapter without looking at the original or my translation. I usually remember about half to two thirds of the content. The exact wording differs from the original of course, but I manage to capture the basis plot.

I must say it is a very difficult exercise and since I am not a genius like Benjamin Franklin was I end up being quite exhausted. Sometimes I even doubt I could do the whole thing, because my concentration is not at its high. But I plod on anyway, and, although on days with lower concentration I make more mistakes, the feeling of completion in the end is heartwarming.

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

– Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type