Have you ever felt you have failed (badly) in your life? I could say I have failed. I have failed to make a career as a scientific researcher. After years of studying to become a researcher all of a sudden the illness hit me. It was schizoaffective disorder and I could not believe it. I somehow came through the first three episodes. However, illness and working day after day in an uncomfortable environment made me say goodbye to my career dreams at the age of 34. Some people think one has to reach the peak of their career between the age of 30 and 40, for after 40 one starts to get old. Now I am...

Last week I attended another business seminar for beginners. It lasted for three days. It was so intense that after the first day I got up in the morning and I thought to myself: »What if I skip the first lecture? It’s going to be a lecture on business negotiation. I don’t need that right now. I can attend a similar seminar later.« But there was another thought equally strong going through my head: »I must go. No explanation why. I simply have to go.« Luckily the second thought won. I went to the seminar. The moment the first lecturer appeared on stage I knew why. It was K. E. S. that...

I can laugh about it today, but this was a very serious question 13 years ago when I had my first psychotic episode. It seemed sooooooo unfair. My brain was producing numerous questions of self-pity: »What have I done to deserve this? Is this a punishment? For what? Have I not been taking good care of my health? How come it has happened precisely to me and not to somebody else? My class mates are finishing their studies, some are already married. Some have been already promised a job. And here I am – my BA not finished, single, no job perspectives, no boy-friend perspectives. I’m doomed.«...

Do you watch or read the news regularly? How many good things, events, phenomena are presented there? Almost none. Does it mean that good things rarely even happen? So you can look around and try to make them happen. You don’t need any spare time to wait a few seconds and hold the door for the neighbor climbing the stairs that lead to the main entrance of the building you live in. Neither do you need any spare time to smile to your neighbors instead of just saying Hi with a dull expression on your face. Of course if you happen to have spare time, you can inquire in your local neighborhood whether...

It’s a lovely coffee bar I am sitting in this afternoon. Alone – for I need a break. Some hours of solitude per week are my absolute need. To help facilitate the brain to calm down. I sit here alone which is less common than sitting in a pair or a group. I write while sipping my cappuccino. Which is even less common. I look at the people at the other tables and I can’t get rid of the thought: »They think I am a lunatic.« It’s the self-programming of a psychiatric patient that is ON in my brain now. It’s not reality. I don’t actually act weird. It’s just less...