My Little Insanities

What I am most afraid of is making a mistake. The list goes on and on. I have to clean this and that additionally. I have to protect my social network profiles. I have to reduce the spam in my e-mail accounts. I cannot include in a blog-post or, God forbid, in a book something, which would have a bad effect on the reader. I must be very precise in recycling the garbage. I remember parts of conversations with people and I go over and over them after the meeting to make sure I could not have done any damage by my words. The list goes on and on.

What I am most afraid of is making a mistake. But mistakes are a part of life. That is how we learn. Yet, I must admit that I still do a lot of things despite fear. Publishing a book on mental illness ‘Balancing the Beast’ was one of them. Although there are days, when I start thinking of removing the book from Amazon, closing down my webpage and all my social network profiles. But then again, they say that on your death bed you mostly regret the things you have not done, not the ones you did. Of course there are also exceptions to that, like for example unethical deeds.

Recently, I have realized that what I do is actually greedy. Trying to control everything and attempting to escape my destiny thereby is a very sophisticated way of being greedy. Well, then, I must be very greedy. Avaricious, so to speak! I hope this thought will help me fight my obsessions and calm me down eventually. I am sure it will not work miracles, but if it could at least lessen the pain a little.

Do you suffer from similar obsessions? Have you ever come across the idea of being greedy in a most unusual way? What are your coping techniques?

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

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