The Primary Essence of Fear

Sometimes people say to me that on my death-bed I will be sorry for having worried so much.

A wood resin tear. Tears of anxiety.

I have found out recently that my anxiety is in a way primary and the reason for it are secondary. How did I discover that? For every fear which appears in my mind I try to find a consolation. And when I soothe myself regarding one fear, another one appears. Some days I eventually calm down, but on bad days the train of fears is endless. This is, in my opinion, because anxiety is there no matter what the circumstances of my life are. And my mind attaches secondary reasons to anxiety. Sometimes I still feel anxiety, even when I have managed to mentally remove all reasons for fears. It feels like a computer program obsessively looking for something to worry about. Do you feel that way too sometimes?

Sometimes people say to me that on my death-bed I will be sorry for having worried so much, because 99,99 percent of all my fears never came true. They might be right. But if I try to picture myself on my death-bed, I do not feel sorry. Why not? Because I know that I am doing everything in my power to reduce my fears: meditation (Phyllis Krystal Method), prescribed medication (Zyprexa), relaxing massage, quiet evenings helping me fall asleep. In my case of worrying, to be sorry for it on my death-bed, would be like feeling sorry for having had a physical illness. I do not DO the over-worrying. It happens to me. It is an illness. Do you feel the same perhaps?

WARNING: For those, who have mental health problems: please consult your psychiatrist before trying the Phyllis Krystal Method: http://www.phylliskrystal.com/

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

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