To Have Friends One Has to Be a Good Friend First

Imagine our planet would be a planet of friends.

Imagine our planet would be a planet of friends.

Imagine five friends set up a date to meet over cakes and coffee. They are supposed to meet at five, but the organizing one allows the other four to be late. He waits patiently for half an hour and then orders a chocolate cake. Instead of being impatient and angry, because somehow he has hoped that at least one of the four would show up a little after five, he enjoys the music in the coffee shop, observes customers and waiters and the time flies. At a quarter to six the first invited friend shows up, and at six the second one. They chat joyfully till seven, when it is time to leave. It turns out two of the invited friends never show up. No problem. The only emotion in the organizer’s heart is worry about the two, who have said they would come – what if they had a car accident. So the organizer the next day writes to the two, who have not shown up, just to check up on them. He writes a joke, not an accusation. They both reply with kind jokes, explaining why they never came.

Imagine family would be at the same time also friends.

Let’s say a family member is going through a midlife crisis. Everything is a problem to him, there is no hope, it’s all about suffering. It’s not easy to sit at the dinner table and listen to such a person for a few hours, especially if one tends to remember everything and worry about this relative even later. But does one stop seeing the depressed relative? No, it would not be fair. Maybe one makes the visits shorter, less frequent, depending on how much one can take. And one day midlife crisis is over. Everything passes.

Of course one should not forget to be a good friend to oneself first. We cannot be friendly to people who abuse or exploit us. In this case it’s time for self-defense, which by definition cannot be friendly.

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type

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