Stepping on a Land Mine in Relationships

Posted by Helena Smole in Relationships on Sep 28th, 2015

Does it ever happen to you that you get yelled at and you know you are not the right reason for yelling? Does it feel like stepping on land mine? It could be called transferred anger. The person is actually not angry at you. The anger to the right person could not be expressed for various reasons. Perhaps the person is already dead, or it is the boss, who is too tricky to be yelled at. Or it even might be a very sensitive person, who starts crying easily, that is why it is better not to yell at him/her.

The bottled-up anger gets carried around and when there is a suitable victim to release the anger at, that is precisely what happens. I would like to name an example from my newest fantasy novel for adults Out of the Forest and into the City:

“I turned back and saw the high-heeled lady bend over, grabbing her toes and screaming from the alleged pain. Then she straightened up and gave me a look. A look that could kill the toughest dwarf in the universe, were he not wise enough to look away. I looked away, which made her even angrier, of course. Consequently she started yelling at me:

“You impertinent midget! You stepped on my toes! It hurts!”

I’d had enough of her arrogance and verbal abuse and I yelled back:

“The way you are yelling here like a mad cow, my ears hurt! And I am not the only one you are causing pain to!”

The music stopped and the deejay came down from his studio to clarify the situation. The security guy was out sick, thus the deejay had to do his job too. Once faced with a higher authority, the touchy lady started to imagine things:

“He’s trying to kill me!”

The deejay tried to remain calm: “What did he do?”

I decided to wait to hear her false accusations. She had a very vivid imagination:

“He did it on purpose! I saw him staring at me. He hates me because I am taller than him. He did it on purpose! He stepped on my toes. Look, they are swelling!”

The deejay obviously knew how to handle women. Looking for a victim was not his cup of tea. He knew well enough that little accidents often happen on the dance floor, especially on a crowded night like that one.

Being a wise and experienced dance floor manager, he took her upstairs and had a chat with her.”

If you read the novel, you will find out that the lady comes back from the chat calm and even smiles at the dwarf Izzy. Clearly, Izzy chose the wrong technique: by yelling at her he only made her more mad. The deejay though, obviously knew how to handle her. Being approached kindly, the lady chose the kind approach too. She had a listening ear she could tell her story to. Her anger thus came out in a civilized way. Of course not all people are like that. Some are so used to communicating in an angry way that they always do it. What could one do in such a case? I do not know. Any ideas? Please enter your suggestions in the comments section below. I would love to hear from you. You can also share, what you would expect of a fantasy novel with romance in general.

Take care,

Helena Smole, author of:

– a fantasy novel with romance Vivvy and Izzy the Dwarf: A series about relationships

– Balancing the Beast, a book offering a bright view of schizoaffective disorder ˗ bipolar or manic-depressive type